Today marks two years since I tried to take my own life.
Two full years. That’s time I would have never had if I succeeded. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the lead up to this day and I’ve decided that I am proud of how far I’ve come. Last year, when I sunk into the depths of Anorexia I thought that I was right back at square one.
I was wrong.
Almost 20kgs on and a lot of support later, I am happy and healthy and finally making use of the skills I’ve learnt over the past two years and working to accept the experiences I’ve had in the past.
I have an amazing best friend and boyfriend - people that I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without. I have jobs that I love (most of the time) and I’m tomorrow I start my first practical rotation as a student nurse.
I still have to fight every day to keep myself at this point, but I’ve come too damn far now to give up.
I will keep fighting, for myself, for those around me, and for those who need someone to fight for them.
This is my life, and I’m going to live it :)
I just wrote a thousand words of a major assignment in a few hours :) I feel like such a little dynamo right now!
Do you ever get to a part of the book where you get so angry with the main character because he just did something you specifically asked him not to do and now you’re going to have to sit there and watch as he tries to deal with all of the problems that his mistake brought about when, if he had just listened to you in the first place, it would have all been fine?
when Harry didn’t look into the mirror Sirius gave him
|1:||What ‘eating disorder behaviours’ have you been able to overcome so far?|
|2:||How did you overcome some of your eating behaviours?|
|3:||What is a part of your body that you have come to love since embarking on recovery?|
|4:||What does recovery mean to you?|
|5:||Why have you chosen to recover?|
|6:||What has recovery given you so far?|
|7:||When you were in the depths of your eating disorder, what were some of the irrational/false beliefs you had? How are these different now?|
|8:||What have you learnt to appreciate since starting recovery?|
|9:||Can you remember when you started to think about recovery? What were your thoughts? Are these any different now?|
|10:||What makes life worth living?|
|11:||What things have you learnt about yourself since starting recovery?|
|12:||What things did you used to deny yourself during your eating disorder? How do you feel when you allow yourself them now?|
|13:||Who can you rely on for support?|
|14:||What has been a positive stand out moment for you so far in recovery?|
|15:||Have you had any ‘A-H-A’ moments?|
|16:||What keeps you going day to day?|
|17:||What is a food you missed during your disorder that you enjoy now?|
|18:||What is a hobby you missed during your disorder that you enjoy now?|
|19:||What did you eating disorder take away from you?|
|20:||Have you experienced any relapse? How did you overcome it or how are you working through it?|
|21:||Are you able to exercise for enjoyment? If not, how are you working towards this? If yes, what do you enjoy?|
|22:||How were your relationships with others tested by your eating disorder? Are they better now?|
|23:||How was your relationship to yourself tested by your eating disorder? Is it better now?|
|24:||Do you believe that you are beautiful? Do you believe that one day, you will believe you are beautiful?|
|25:||What are things you can do now you are recovering/recovered that you couldn’t do during your eating disorder?|
|26:||Were you ever diagnosed with an eating disorder? How did this effect your recovery, either yes or no.|
|27:||Have you identified triggers? How do you avoid them or manage them?|
|28:||How have you rewarded yourself throughout recovery? If you haven’t, how can you?|
|29:||What is a current short term goal you are aiming for in your recovery?|
|30:||What does being ‘recovered’ mean to you? Do you think this goal is realistic?|
|31:||Have you been able to take any positives from your experience of having an eating disorder?|
|32:||What parts of recovery are you truly proud of?|
|33:||Have you been able to eat a ‘fear food’? What was it? How did it feel?|
|34:||What do you like about yourself now that you are in recovery?|
|35:||When do you feel most attractive? Why? Is it a place, time or outfit?|
|36:||What health problems are you now doing better with since embarking on recovery?|
|37:||Do you have more confidence in yourself now?|
|38:||How did your eating disorder & recovery change the way you think about things now?|
|39:||Were you ever in denial of your eating disorder? How did you overcome this?|
|40:||If you could have started recovery earlier, would you?|
|41:||Did you isolate yourself during your eating disorder? How has this changed now? If it hasn’t how do you hope it will?|
|42:||How did your eating disorder behaviours make you feel about yourself? How do you feel about yourself in comparison now? Or how do you hope you will feel?|
|43:||What was something that made you realise an eating disorder was unhealthy for you?|
|44:||Did anyone reach out to you during your eating disorder? How did you respond? How do you feel about that now?|
|45:||What was your body’s purpose during your eating disorder? What is your body’s purpose now or what do you hope its purpose to be?|
|46:||What was success during your eating disorder? What is success in recovery?|
|47:||Did you ever view ‘thinspo’ during your eating disorder? How do you feel about that now?|
|48:||Did anyone ever encourage your weight loss? What would you say to them now if you could?|
|49:||Do you plan to symbolise what you have been through in anyway?|
|50:||If you could give advice to someone contemplating recovery, what would it be?|